MadTV’s Apple iPad

A: Lindsay! Great job in the sales meeting! – Hey, do you have a pad I can borrow?
B: Sure! Here you go!
A: No, you know, the ‘other’ kind of pad.
B: I can’t believe you still use maxipads.
A: I know, I just… I have a narrow cervix, so it’s painful for me to use tampons…
B: No no no, I meant, why use a maxi pad if there’s the new iPad from Apple?
A: iPad?
B: With the new iPad I just hook up my Apple to my peach. And I can download protection for up to a thousand periods!
A: I like that!
B: And with wireless bluetooth technology, iPad sets you up for fast uploading without all that water bloating.
A: Oh, wow! That’s great! But what if my computer has a virus?
B: Don’t worry. Each iPad comes pre-installed with vaginal firewall protection.

The new iPad. Please don’t make us explain how it works.

Macmillan:

Earth to Steve, could it be that only creative, artsy graphic designer types immediately associate sketchpad?

PS: The real iPad presented by Phil Schiller (Senior Vice President Worldwide Product Marketing) and Jony Ive (Senior Vice President Design)

Goldie Hawn on Laugh-In

Let’s continue our conversation about Laugh-In up here. Chris was saying that he was watching Laugh-In “from the conformity of suburban London”. Well, Washington, DC was also not exactly California, either, and Laugh-In (1968-73) was a revelation to little-girl-me, too, and gave me the specific sense of humor I have. It’s just hit me that this show is probably the origin of my deep belief that if you set people free, men are kind and women are funny. Goldie Hawn explains the time zones:

Tiny Tim: Tiptoe through the tulips

My niece left us again today, sadly, and she left us a lovely bouquet of orange tulips. We’d talked about how valuable tulips were in the 16th and 17th century, when the bulbs that we consider commonplace were very rare and were traded for enormous sums of money. The tulip mania led to especially frenzied trade in Haarlem during the height of the bubonic plague from 1636—1637, when bulbs were treated as currency. — So, Tiny Tim, sing it for us: A one and a two…

Tiptoe Through the Tulips

Oh tiptoe to the window, by the window that is where I’ll be.
Come tiptoe through the tulips with me!

Oh, tiptoe from the garden, by the garden of the willow tree.
And tiptoe through the tulips with me!

Knee deep in flowers we’ll stray, we’ll keep the showers away.
And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight, will you pardon me?
Come tiptoe through the tulips with me!

song of the week :-) englisch lernen mit liedern

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I’ve been away from the US for so long that I’ve got a few blind spots regarding US popular culture. But I’m working on it! One of the things I truly regret missing are some of the better TV series, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer (March 1997 until May 2003). Just the snippets of teen and college humor you’ll hear in the trailers and scenes uploaded to YouTube were enough to make me fall in love with the series, e.g. “I think I speak for everyone here when I say: Huh???” Great Buffy quotes are collected here, in Wikiquotes.

My initial knowledge of this series and the role it played comes from an outstanding blog on US society written in German, USA Erklärt, whose author, Scot W. Stevenson, is a declared Buffy fan. Your search for “Buffy” there is richly rewarded. Now I’ve found an additional great Buffy resource in a wiki called TV Tropes.

In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, this is the trailer for season 1:

Here’s a promo video of the animated series, which never came to be:

This looks like a fun drama activity to do in an English class, taken from “Whose line is it anyway?”: Students play a given scene with famous characters and have to insert lines they get. In this case, the scene is moments before sunrise, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer has come to kill Count Dracula as he is draining the last drops of blood from his latest victim.

Since those nice inexpensive US DVDs don’t run on my computer (they’re not Region 0, and I refuse to shut off the universal standard), I’ll have to break down and rip a few. Sigh.